Some have recently sent in the question “Where did Elf So-and-So go?”
Well, I’ll tell ya. You don’t see them on the Elf Chat or the Elf Wall or on the Elf Map because they got busted. They didn’t leave, they got busted. They broke the only real rule we have: BE NICE.
That’s just too hard for some elves.
Well, you know who the elf executioner is? Me. Elf Moe. Head of the North Pole Complaint Department. It always comes to me and, well, I’m an impatient elf.
This is how you get in trouble or get banned from being an elf:
- Boss other elves around.
- Assume you are an important elf and try to do jobs that are not yours to do.
- Brag you are an elf.
- Never take a shower. (Ewwwwww)
- Use bad words
- Be mean
- Pretend you are Santa
- Take the wings off flies
- Call other elves names
- Speak ill of the reindeer
- Use a hair dryer on a snowman
- Lick the frosting off of sugar cookies
- Set the Christmas tree on fire
- Use super glue in the Wrapping Department
- Litter from the sleigh
- Post bad pictures
- Say someone is on the naughty list
- Put salt in the sugar shaker
- Drink the last of the eggnog
- Stuff spiders in stockings
- Tell Mrs. Claus that Santa says she is fat
- Tease Rudolph
Now, guys, I don’t want to ban you and you don’t want to be banned.
But let’s make one thing perfectly clear: if you get banned you’re never coming back. It’s a one-way ticket. If you can’t act like an elf, you can’t be an elf.
I hope this is the last time this needs to be discussed. We have lost some pretty good elves recently who just could not be nice. It has nothing to do with Santa. In fact, Santa won’t even hear about it if I had my way.
He needs elves. But he needs people who are ready to BE elves.