How to Get in Trouble as an Elf

Some have recently sent in the question “Where did Elf So-and-So go?”

Well, I’ll tell ya. You don’t see them on the Elf Chat or the Elf Wall or on the Elf Map because they got busted. They didn’t leave, they got busted. They broke the only real rule we have: BE NICE.

That’s just too hard for some elves.

I don’t know what more we can do to make it clear. You are taught it in learning the Elf Code. You swear to it when you take the Elf Oath. Elf Max has warned about it a couple of times.

Well, you know who the elf executioner is? Me. Elf Moe. Head of the North Pole Complaint Department. It always comes to me and, well, I’m an impatient elf.

This is how you get in trouble or get banned from being an elf:

1. Boss other elves around.
2. Assume you are an important elf and try to do jobs that are not yours to do.
3. Brag you are an elf.
4. Never take a shower. (Ewwwwww)
5. Use bad words
6. Be mean
7. Lie
8. Steal
9. Cheat
10. Pretend you are Santa
11. Take the wings off flies
12. Call other elves names
13. Speak ill of the reindeer
14. Use a hair dryer on a snowman
15. Lick the frosting off of sugar cookies
16. Set the Christmas tree on fire
17. Use super glue in the Wrapping Department
18. Litter from the sleigh
19. Post bad pictures
20. Say someone is on the naughty list
21. Put salt in the sugar shaker
22. Drink the last of the eggnog
23. Stuff spiders in stockings
24. Tell Mrs. Claus that Santa says she is fat
25. Tease Rudolph

Now, guys, I don’t want to ban you and you don’t want to be banned.

But let’s make one thing perfectly clear: if you get banned you’re never coming back. It’s a one-way ticket. If you can’t act like an elf, you can’t be an elf.

I hope this is the last time this needs to be discussed. We have lost some pretty good elves recently who just could not be nice. It has nothing to do with Santa. In fact, Santa won’t even hear about it if I had my way.

He needs elves. But he needs people who are ready to BE elves.

Okay?

About this Elf: Elf Moe

For years Elf Moe was an anchor in the Shipping Department at the North Pole. That's a tough job. It entails making sure that the right names get on the right packages before Santa delivers them. Not a lot of people want that job because it is so detailed. Moe did it for years. That's why Elf Moe now has the job he does: Elf Moe works in the North Pole Complaint Department. If someone want to complain about anything, Moe's the guy to see. He has a very difficult job.