Elf Ed Zachary is the new News Director at the North Pole. He has for years served as a columnist at the North Pole Gazette and at SantaUpdate.com. He is known as the Great Defender of Santa Claus for his many candid answers to questions from non-believers. Here is the transcript of our chat with him today:
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Hello, Mr. Zachary. Welcome to Santa Tracker Chat! |
| Elf Ulan | Thank you so much, you’re the best too, Elf Max! |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Thank you for the invite. I’m not sure I can do as well as Elf Buck, but I will do my best. |
| Elf Ulan | Hello Elf Ed Zachary! Nice to meet you! |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | That was quite a chat |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, I read the recap. I should have been here. I had no idea chat could be so interesting |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Hello, Elf Ulan. I’ve heard a lot about you! Nice to meet you |
| Elf Ulan | (I’m sorry, my hands don’t work well) |
| Elf Ulan | About me? |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | All, in this chat we will get to know Elf Ed Zachary a little better |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Oh yes, you are a very popular elf at the North Pole. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Elf Ed Zachary is the new News Director at the North Pole |
| Elf Ulan | Really? I’m so surprised it, Elf Ed Zachary |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | He takes over from Elf Ernest the responsibilities of running all news operations at the North Pole – the radio, the websites, the newspaper, the TV station and more now fall to him |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Elf Ed Zachary is very well known at the North Pole and around the world |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | He has had two enduring roles in the news business at the North Pole |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | He is a longtime columnist for the North Pole Gazette, duties he still enjoys |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | And he is known as the Defender of Santa Claus |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | For years he has engaged in a very public way with the most ardent critics and Non-Believers in Santa, answering their most difficult questions. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Welcome Elf Ed Zachary to SantaTrackerChat |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Thank you, Mr. Myrrh for that rousing introduction |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I hope I don’t disappoint |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | An elf with your experience has a lot to share, Mr. Zachary |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | But I had heard a rumor you were thinking of retiring, kind of like Elf Rusty Belz did recently |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, I was thinking about it |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | I’m glad you didn’t retire. I think yours is an important voice. What stopped you from retiring? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Well, Santa asked me to do this. And I serve at the invitation of Santa. Whatever he wants me to do, I’ll do. Even if it means shoveling reindeer p**p |
| Elf Max | Hahaha. I agree |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | So how does the new job fit you? Do you like it? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I feel like a fish out of water |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Oh really? How come? I think you’re doing a great job |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Hahaha – you just want a raise |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I’ve never been a manager, Frank. It feels funny to me. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | You sound kind of like Crash, he says the same |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, he and I have talked. We have both been just kind of worker bee elves our whole lives. Not responsible for anyone or anything. So it’s a strange feeling |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Are there a lot of changes you will be bringing to North Pole news? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | No, I think Elf Ernest had this running really well. I will take a wait-and-see approach to things and take suggestions before we make any kind of changes. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | What about your personal writing? I know you’ve done that for years. Will we hear more from you? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I’m a writer first, Frank. You know that better than anyone. I would love to have more time to devote to it. But I don’t know yet. I’m awfully busy with so many things now |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Do you feel your new responsibilities cut into your ability to write more? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, the definitely do. I’m trying to juggle things, but I find it difficult. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | For years you have defended Santa and your best work comes from answering those who don’t believe in Santa |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, thank you |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Will you still be doing that? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I hope to, yes. I will try my best |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | How did that start for you? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Years ago, when Elf Wally was over the North Pole Post Office, he took some sad letters to Santa and insisted we answer them. Santa brought them to me and the rest is history. |
| Elf Max | What did the letters say? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Most of the letters from the non-believers out there are all the same. They all claim there is no Santa. And I answer them, because it’s really easy. |
| Elf Max | It doesn’t sound easy to me. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Max, how dumb does a person have to be to send a letter to the North Pole saying there is no Santa Claus? |
| Elf Max | True, that makes no sense at all |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | So you just call these people dumb? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yeah. Because they are dumb. Anyone who doesn’t believe in Santa and then writes to his Post Office isn’t dealing from a full stocking |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Hahaha. So what else do they say? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Well, some really have a problem believing there are flying reindeer. |
| Elf Max | Well, they likely have never seen a reindeer fly. I didn’t believe it until I saw it for myself. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Why Max? Did Santa not come to your house every year? |
| Elf Max | Yeah, he did. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Then how did you suppose he got there? He didn’t take a plane cause a plane could never land at your house. And a helicopter might work but it would wake everyone up. So he took reindeer. What’s so unbelievable about that? |
| Elf Max | Well, I just didn’t know. I see birds fly, so I believe it. |
| Elf Max | But I had never seen a reindeer fly. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Well, that’s silly. Santa would never take a bird to your house. |
| Elf Max | No, I’m not saying that. I’m just saying I knew birds could fly because I had seen them. I never saw a reindeer fly until long after I became an elf. |
| Elf Ulan | Because birds are too small? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | So now, to you, a former denier of flying reindeer, now believe? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Of course birds are too small. Besides, they make Santa hungry. |
| Elf Max | Yes, I believe. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I’m glad Max. But you’re the kind of guy that gives me something to write about. |
| Elf Max | Hahaha. I never considered complaining about not believing in flying reindeer. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | No, because you’re a good guy and you likely WANTED to believe it. |
| Elf Ulan | (wow! Santa likes it) |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Am I right? |
| Elf Max | Yes, you are right. I wanted to believe it. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | That’s all I do is write to those who want to believe but don’t understand. I love doing that. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | You are exceptional at that calling Mr. Zachary. I hope you can continue. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | What questions do you all have for Elf Ed Zachary? |
| Elf Ulan | Yes, please! |
| Elf Max | Does Santa ever get mad at you for what you write? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Santa sometimes thinks I am too blunt, yes. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, Elf Ulan? |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Has Santa ever stopped you from saying something? |
| Elf Ulan | Do you think Elf Harriet Bow doing is the scoop? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | No, not exactly. But he did tell me once I shouldn’t have called that kid from Wisconsin a chowderhead. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | You mean Elf Harriet writing the Scoop? |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Why did you call a kid from Wisconsin a chowderhead? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Because he WAS a chowderhead. He claimed his PARENTS were putting stuff in his stocking. What a dork! |
| Elf Max | Oh man…. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | How do you know his parents didn’t? A lot of parents do |
| Elf Ulan | I heard Elf Harriet will find Santa and return to the North Pole together!? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I know because I asked Santa if he did it or if it was his parents. You don’t think I check these things out? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I haven’t heard Elf Harriet has found Santa…yet. But if anyone could do it, it could be Harriet |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | So you asked Santa and Santa said he filled the kid’s stocking? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, he did. I tried explaining that – nicely – to the kid. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | But then he called me a liar. He’s lucky all I did was call him a chowderhead. |
| Elf Max | Oh boy…so how does this story end? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I called him a chowder head and everyone got mad. He got mad. Santa got mad. His parents got mad. I got mad. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | That’s it? That’s the end of the story? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Santa himself told the kid to check his stocking again. So the kid did and sure enough there was something in there the kid had not seen before. |
| Elf Max | What was it? |
| Elf Ulan | Okay, thank you. And Elf Trixie doesn’t like to write Christmas countdown. Does she still like that? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | I don’t know. Only he and Santa knows. But whatever it was changed his mind. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | So he believes in Santa now? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, but it is even better than that. |
| Elf Max | It is? How? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | He’s an elf |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | No way! |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yeah, he works at the North Pole Post Office now. He answers letters….from other chowderheads. I see him all the time. |
| Elf Max | Oh wow. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yeah, thats what I call him now. Elf Chowderhead. He’s actually a good friend. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Hahaha. That is a fantastic sotry. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | That is why I love my job. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Elf Trixie does like to write the countdown. I really like her. She does a great job |
| Elf Ed Zachary | But like me she is in a new job. Struggling a little bit at it. |
| Elf Ulan | Elf Ed Zachary, sorry, I should change my question. Are most of Santa’s original friends the elves? |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Working for Santa is like that sometimes. He gives some elves things they never think they can do |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Santa has many friends, yes. And most are elves. But that’s because they all like Santa and want to be elves. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | True, I wanted to work in radio but I never saw myself doing this for Santa. I think I have the best job in the world. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Yes, I totally agree with that Frank |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Any last questions for Elf Ed Zachary today? |
| Elf Max | Will we hear your voice with Frank on North Pole Radio News? |
| Elf Ulan | Oh! Thank you for telling me! Okay, I hope she works well. I understand she’s busy now though |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Absolutely not |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Oh, c’mon Mr. Zachary. I think you’d be great on the radio |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Nope, I leave that to the pros like you, Frank. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | If I get Max to do it would you do it? |
| Elf Max | Not a chance |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Hahaha. Yes, if you get Max, you’ll get me. |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Don’t let me down, Max |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | No, don’t let ME down, Max. Hahaha. |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Thank you for being here, Mr. Zachary. Great chat! |
| Elf Ed Zachary | My pleasure. |
| Elf Ulan | Thank you, Elf Zachary, They are lucky to have an amazing friend, Santa! |
| Elf Max | Yes, great chat. Thank you! |
| Elf Ed Zachary | Goodbye everyone! |
| Elf Frank Myrrh | Thanks again for another great day of chat, all. |
I am sooo disappointed I missed this one. I had to go into work today. Elf Ed Zachery is one of my favorites. Thanks for posting the recap!
Thank you for posting so fast, Elf Max.! Thank you, Elf Es Zachary. It was interesting! I was happy being with you all together. I misunderstood what columns he wrote, so I couldn’t ask questions I had well. I wonder if he is Santa’s original friend. Thanks to you, Elf Ed Zachary, many people changed their minds and became elves! That’s amazing; please continue it as you can. I hope you come here again soon! (I wonder what he heard about me from those who, lol) Happy Christmas in July. We look forward to hearing the news and wonderful stories from you, Elf Ed Zachary! XD