It has been an interesting week since the sleigh crash in the South Pacific. Murmurs about Santa’s sleigh have been everywhere since.
I suppose it is human nature to cast blame. At first, everyone was in shock – and worried about the well being of the pilot and the reindeer. But once it was found they were okay then the blame game started.
From what I can tell, it started in the Department of Redundancy Department. They’ve been worried about Santa’s sleigh all year and without their warning last spring we would not even be doing the test flights of Santa’s sleigh right now.
But those are not happy elves over at the DRD.
I won’t mention any names. I won’t tell you who the test pilot was and I won’t tell you the names of the elves I spoke to at DRD and NPFC. The reason I won’t is very simple. I don’t want anyone to get in trouble.
This post is nothing but trouble.
You see, my contact in the DRD says the whole design idea for this year’s sleigh is a bad idea and that it needs to be scrapped. Right now.
Well, that’s impossible. It is late August. It is just too late in the year to start all over on a new design plan. Santa signed off on this plan.
That is a process that usually wraps up in February. Construction on new designs usually starts around April and test flights begin in May. They continue all summer and new design tweaks come out usually every two to four weeks during the test flight phase.
Each year there are usually up to 15 generations or versions of a sleigh’s design before the bells are put on and Santa takes off in it.
We blew that scheduled timeline way back when it was decided that last year’s design was good enough and we didn’t need to do as much to test it.
That is exactly what one of my friends in Flight Command says. “This sleigh was nearly perfect last year,” he said, “And the Department of Redundancy Department even admits that. It’s a good plan. It’s a good sleigh.”
But it’s not.
The test pilot who crashed last week said there’s something really wrong with this year’s sleigh. He said he’s not a sleigh designer. But as a pilot he says he can feel there is something “off” when he flies the sleigh.
As a test pilot, he runs all kinds of numbers on his flights – even numbers they don’t track in Flight Command.
“I have a theory,” the test pilot told me. “I think the drag coefficient is completely off. I flew the test flights last year and I kept those logs. I know what the numbers should be and they are not the same this year. I’m sure if they took a look at that coefficient for the 11 other sleighs they would find that what I am saying is true.”
How true?
Today – the 22nd of August – the remaining sleighs are in transit from the Indian Ocean to somewhere over Sector 5. Our test pilot said that if he did his math right the sleighs would arrive in San Diego at one specific time.
I checked. He was dead on right. The sleighs got there within a minute of when he said they would.
But here’s the kicker: he said that if things were right with those sleighs, given the speed at which they move on a high-profile transition journey like this, especially in tandem style like they are, then they should have arrived in San Diego 47 minutes earlier.
That math is too beyond me, kids.
But I checked out his numbers with Elf Buck, Elf Roger and even Elf Flip – all numbers guys and all expert pilots (except for Flip).
Guess what? The numbers check out.
But it’s not just the guy who survived the crash who is looking at things sideways now when it comes to Santa’s sleigh this year.
There is a growing division of sleigh naysayers in North Pole Flight Command. In fact, I hear the discussions there are getting quite heated.
But at the end of the day, even if minds came together between Flight Command, the test pilots, the DRD, and the Research and Development Department who designed this sleigh in the first place, it doesn’t matter.
Either they get this sleigh figured out in the next 100 days or so – or Santa is going to have to fly something else.
Right now the tide is rising against this year’s sleigh.
The current test flights are going to end at the North Pole in a day or two. These 11 sleighs will be retired and 12 shiny new sleigh prototypes are going to take to the skies somewhere. And it seems everyone will be holding their breath.
Because a lot of elves right now have no faith in the design, even if it is corrected. The murmurs are only going to grow louder.
I’ll keep you posted.
