Tag Archive for: santa

Where Santa is Now

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Hi.

I’m Joel. I’m an elf. I live at the North Pole.

This is the first entry of my new column – an exclusive here at SantaTrackers.net.

Honestly, I’m not sure I want to do this. You see, I’m what they call a reluctant elf.

My Dad is an elf. My grandparents are elves. My great-grandpa was an elf. And his father was an elf.

But I’m not sure I want to be an elf.

You understand, right?

Well, maybe you don’t. Most of you were not born at the North Pole. Most of you have not lived day-in and day-out all the days of your life in the world of elves.

Sometimes I just want to be a regular person.

But enough about me. Let’s get down to why I’m here.

My elf job is one so many elves want – except me. I don’t hate my job. Honestly I don’t. I just don’t think I deserve this job.

My official elf job is to work on Santa’s office staff. My role there is to track Santa. Hahaha, that’s a joke. I track Santa in the sense that I keep his calendar. So, it’s my job to tell Santa where to go all the time.

Some think that is funny when I say that. But the truth is that Santa is a very, very busy man. He needs elves like me.

Santa actually has a very large office staff. Most really important people do. In Santa’s case, his staff is necessary to keep him moving to all the places he needs to go, to meet the right people he needs to be with and to keep him on track with all the stuff he wants to do.

My job just happens to be his calendar.

Some people – even other elves – think this is a privileged position, like working in Santa’s workshop. They think that because I see Santa almost every day (I travel with him a great deal) and that I know almost everything he is doing at any given that I’m important and that my entire days must be filled with candy canes and sugar plums.

But believe me. It’s not at all a big deal. It’s work. A job.

What I do is important. But it’s not important like being a doctor, or a teacher or one of those jobs where you get to help a lot of people.

The job I do helps one guy. That guy happens to be Santa Claus.

I know it is a privileged thing I do. After all, how many elves can say their direct supervisor is Santa himself?

But from where I’m coming from it isn’t all that special.

I grew up here at the North Pole. My Dad worked in Santa’s workshop for many years. He was the lead woodworker. He worked side-by-side with Santa for decades on a billion kagillion projects.

As a kid, Santa came to my house. He ate BBQ with us. He pooped in our bathroom.

Yeah, not your ordinary Santa experience.

You see, living at the North Pole, at least in the eyes of people who have never been here, is like living in a snow globe. They think it is all Christmas all the time. They think eggnog flows in the rivers, that candy canes grow on trees and that Rudolph actually talks to people.

He doesn’t, by the way. He’s actually a very shy and private guy. He glows that red nose at people who approach him in public as a way to say “STOP!”. They never do though. Rudolph can’t catch a break when people are around. He just wants to be left alone most of the time.

I get him.

Living at the North Pole is not the picnic you think it is.

And neither is being Santa’s calendar guy.

Some days I think I am the only guy in the world that still uses a pencil. Santa’s calendar is filled with eraser marks because his schedule always changes. I use a lot of pencils and it’s usually the rubber end.

All this is my way of saying things aren’t always holly berries and Christmas trees at the North Pole and in the life of a working elf.

That’s all. I still want everyone to have a Merry Christmas.

But at the same time I envy those who can just hang their stockings and wait for Santa to come one night every year.

That does not mean I hate my elf life.

It just means sometimes I want to be just Joel – normal guy. Boring dude. Mr. Ordinary.

So what is Santa doing now?

Well, he’s packing his bags.

And so am I.

Every November, right after Halloween, Santa hits the road. He is intent on meeting with people, especially children all over the world.

Between now and Christmas Eve Santa will be “out there” – well, except for a few times he comes back to the North Pole, like Thanksgiving. He’ll be here for all the traditional stuff we do on Thanksgiving.

And I will be with him. The calendar guy has two jobs with Santa on the road – I get to keep the calendar and I get to, um, help the reindeer find a place to do business. Hey, someone’s got to do it and when Santa is on the road he doesn’t have his whole staff with him. Just those he needs. So we double up on duties.

My job here in writing this column, ironically, is to share with you what it is like to live at the North Pole.

Of course, between now and Christmas I’ll be writing this on the road.

News departments are dumb like this.

You see, and maybe I have already blown it with that statement, but I’ve applied for a different elf job. I want to be a news guy. I like the idea of writing. I may even ask to give that radio or podcast thing a shot.

Anything that doesn’t require a pencil.

But, like most elves, I have to earn it. That means waiting a long time. Taking opportunities as they come. Showing I can do other things while I’m still doing the same old thing.

That’s just how it rolls for elves who want to do different elf things.

I’m sure some of you can understand. I’m sure some of you want to do something more or different than being a tracker elf.

Do any of you want to be the calendar elf for Santa?

Hahaha. I’m just kidding.

I love my job.

Elf Joel at the Pole

The Truth About Elf Bernard

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Elf BernardElf Bernard is the head elf at Santa’s workshop. I went over to the workshop this week to meet with Elf Bernard and to get an update on how the work is going there.

Elf Bernard is not the dude you think he is.

First of all, he’s a very smart elf who has worked for Santa for a very, very long time. Bernard’s profile at SantaUpdate.com, which has been there since 1991, gives a pretty accurate assessment of what Bernard is like.

But Elf Bernard has an image problem.

You see, in 1993 a movie came out called The Santa Clause, which proved to be very popular. In that movie the head elf in Santa’s workshop is named Bernard.

It’s just a movie and none of it is true but many people around the world think that the Elf Bernard in the movie is what the real Elf Bernard at the North Pole is like.

That is not true. The real Elf Bernard is nothing like the movie version.

You see, the real Elf Bernard, since that movie came out, gets a lot of mail. Most of it comes from little girls (who think Bernard is cute) or from people who have elf questions that only Elf Bernard can answer.

Elf Bernard – the real one – insists that he is not cute and he has no interest in answering all the mail he receives. The real Elf Bernard, he says, is a working elf. He carries a hammer, he works with his hands, and he gets things done for Santa.

And the real Elf Bernard absolutely detests that movie.

“No other movie has set back the image and understanding of Santa, the North Pole and elf life like that movie,” Elf Bernard said.

He said the movie distorts life at the North Pole, it totally makes reindeer look stupid and that even as a message of what Christmas is all about the movie is harmful.

Bernard is very opinionated.

But that does not mean he does not like Christmas movies. He just does not like Christmas movies that pretend to know about Santa, elves, reindeer and the North Pole.

He said he has never seen a good Christmas movie with any of that and he said if he had a say in what elves watch he would ban all those movies.

In fact, his favorite Christmas movie is A Christmas Carol, which never even mentions Santa or the North Pole.

But he really hates all those Santa Clause movies. Those, he said, are really bad movies.

In the movie, all elves look like children. That’s not true either. But real elves at the North Pole – who generally LOVE the Santa Clause movies – actually like the idea that everyone thinks elves look like youngsters. They think that’s funny.

But not Elf Bernard.

He’s kind of a stickler. Elves working in Santa’s workshop are expected to look neat. They wear uniforms there and Elf Bernard has them all color coded based upon their skill level. An elf in a red costume, for example, is certified in several critical areas of toy building. But an elf in a blue uniform is an elf who has fewer skills and one who shouldn’t be around certain types of tools.

A workshop elf is one who has put in a lot of time as an elf. Most elves there have decades of experience and a new elf hardly ever gets assigned to Santa’s workshop. For most, the certifications needed for toy building takes years to accomplish.

It’s a serious thing and Elf Bernard is a serious elf. After all, Santa’s main job, that of a Gift Bringer, is very dependent upon the quality of gifts and toys that he delivers. Santa needs a serious elf like Elf Bernard as the head elf in his workshop.

And that is why the real Elf Bernard does not like the movie Elf Bernard. He’s too young and he’s not serious enough.

Elf Bernard does not like all the mail he gets from little girls. “I’m a married man,” Elf Bernard says. “My dear wife gets upset at those letters and she opens all my mail. I do not like when she gets upset.”

Elf Bernard’s day begins very early in the morning. He gets to his office by 4:00 a.m. and he spends a lot of time planning and organizing. He keeps a big white board in his office with all kinds of numbers on it. He writes it out himself and he won’t let anyone else look at it. Elf Bernard says the “big board”, as he calls it, is his “to-do list”.

By 6:00 a.m. Elf Bernard is “walking the floor” of Santa’s workshop, talking mostly to supervisors about their plans and goals for the day. Every elf knows that Elf Bernard is going to visit every department within Santa’s Workshop every morning.

Elf Bernard is a master toymaker, just like Santa. He likes to sometimes stop on his walk and help with making something. He asks lots of questions. He has to approve all the materials used in making toys and he is known for changing things in an instant.

Elf Bernard “walks the floor” until about Noon, when he stops to take a break. Mrs. Bernard usually comes and brings Elf Bernard lunch and they sit together in the lunchroom at Santa’s workshop.

Lunch is only 30 minutes. Then Mrs. Bernard leaves and Elf Bernard meets with Santa, either in person or by video, depending on where Santa is.

Then Elf Bernard takes a stroll over to the Purchasing Department, where he meets to discuss the supply of lumber, plastic, metal and hardware all used at the North Pole. I asked him why he goes there every day and Elf Bernard says that if Purchasing isn’t on their game it affects his ability to keep Santa’s workshop moving.

And nobody sits still in Santa’s workshop. Ever.

Elf Bernard says an idle elf is a lazy elf and nobody in Santa’s workshop is ever idle. It runs 24 hours a day and elves are constantly coming and going on and off shift. They work 12 hours at a time.

But not Elf Bernard. By the time 3:00 p.m. rolls around Elf Bernard is back in his office, meeting with different department head elves. Everyone knows Elf Bernard and, frankly, many of them are afraid of him.

He’s not mean. He is not even gruff. He’s just all business and he has very high standards.

He also works very hard. He stays until 6pm every day, six days a week. Elf Bernard rarely takes a vacation. It has been like this for decades.

Elf Bernard also does not like the News Department at the North Pole very much. It took me 7 months to get an appointment with him and he would only set aside about 15 minutes for me. Honestly, I think he lost interest in me after about 30 seconds.

He won’t do an interview on the radio or on any of the podcasts.

He does not like elf reporters like Trixie or even Elf Crash Murphy. Elf Bernard says they “ask too many questions”.

I tried to explain to him that is their job and that, like them, it’s my job to tell the world the truth about Santa, the North Pole and elf life through the news we produce.

Elf Bernard apologized to me and explained that what we in the News Department do is just fine.

“Some elf has to do it,” he said.

But he lacks patience for it because he does not feel Santa’s Workshop is something that should be talked about a whole lot outside of the North Pole.

In fact, I had to agree NOT to say certain things about Santa’s Workshop before Elf Bernard even allowed an appointment with me. And I got a surprise visit from North Pole Security on the morning of our scheduled interview.

But he was very generous to me, too.

Elf Bernard gave me a very personal view of Santa’s workshop. He walked me around. He told me stuff. I understand why he and North Pole Security are concerned about what we might say. I get it.

But I also know interest is very high about Santa’s workshop and about, yes, even Elf Bernard.

And Elf Bernard does not like that.

He says he is not an elf that likes to have the spotlight on him. Many elves do like that but Elf Bernard insists on saying “I’m just an elf who works for Santa”.

If Elf Bernard had his way, nobody outside of Santa would even know his name.

Well, that explains a whole lot about Elf Bernard, does it not?

He’s a serious elf. He’s a GREAT elf.

I did get a chance to talk to Santa about Elf Bernard.

Santa smiled when I told him what I had learned and what I wanted to say in this article. Santa then told me something I never expected to hear.

“I love Elf Bernard,” Santa said. “I mean, I love him like a brother. His heart is pure gold. I want to be like Bernard in every way. You make sure the world understands that Elf Bernard is my head elf in the workshop because of his heart.”

Have you ever heard Santa speak that way?

No wonder nobody here really thinks much of the Elf Bernard of the movies.

He’s much better than that.

Santa’s workshop, by the way, is doing very well. They are ahead of schedule, Elf Bernard told me.

And that’s all we need to know right now. It is good news indeed.

Best Elf Advice Ever

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About a month ago I got a text from Elf Meg Nogg, who writes for North Pole Flight Command. “I got a hot tip for ya”, the text said.

That’s kind of a code we use for “let’s do lunch”.

So the next day we met at Curly’s Pickle Emporium, one of the most popular eateries in North Pole Village. Meg loves Curly’s pickle salad and I love their frosted mug root beer floats.

Meg told me, “I really do have a hot tip for you” and she proceeded to tell me about the Sleigh Traffic Controller thing that she posted about on Flight Command’s website yesterday.

She advised me then to look into it. So when the training this week started I was there for the first class.

To be honest with you, I’ve never been so bored with a North Pole event in my life. I could never be a sleigh traffic controller. There is just too much math involved.

But while there I spotted right there in the front row one of the most incredible elves you could ever want to meet – Elf Beverly.

Elf Beverly is an older elf, meaning she has a ton of experience and has been around a long time. I don’t really know how old she is.

Mrs. Claus first told me about her. She advised me to seek her out and become her friend.

I first saw her in a class at Southern North Pole University. She’s kind of hard to miss. She’s short – about 4’ 10” – and her hair is all white.

I had no idea how long her hair was until seeing her later at the North Pole Halloween party. For that event she wore her hair down, which is something she almost never does.

Everyone was in awe of her hair that night. They thought it was fake but, of course, it was totally real. She danced just once, with Big Sled Ted. Their extremes in height made for an interesting pairing and the shimmer of her hair made it all quite the spectacle.

Why was Elf Beverly at the Sleigh Traffic Controller training?

Elf Beverly could run any department at the North Pole. She has worked for most of them — at the workshop, the Post Office, in Wrapping, over with the reindeer – you name it, and Elf Beverly has been there at one time or another.

She’s a legend here, as big as any elf legend at the North Pole.

They were talking about her one day on the radio and one of the smart aleck test pilots laughed when it was suggested that Elf Beverly become a test pilot.

Beverly caught wind of it and sign up for classes at Southern North Pole University to prepare her for the big math test you have to take to get into the test pilot program.

One just does not laugh at Elf Beverly.

She took the classes, aced the tests and got into the program. Last year before the season she passed all her certifications and she spent most of last year as a test pilot. Then, on Christmas Eve, when the test flight program for the year closed, she resigned.

Beverly asked to be transferred back to the Elf Training department, the last real elf job she claims to have really loved.

When asked why she put in all that time in to certify and become a test pilot only to quit after her first successful season Beverly said she only did it to prove to herself that she could do it.

Nobody challenges Elf Beverly. She does what she wants.

That is not to suggest that she does not keep rules or work in places other than where Santa wants her. Just don’t tell her she’s not up to doing something.

Mrs. Claus once told me that Santa has asked her many times to run a few different departments.

Elf Beverly always says she is more effective as an elf without a title. Santa respects her wishes. But he also knows she can do anything and everything.

At the class at the University when I first met her I went up and introduced myself. Beverly gave me a sideways glance and said, “Girlie, who told you to talk to me?” (She always calls me Girlie).

I confessed that Mrs. Claus had given me that advice. That got her attention. “You know Mrs. Claus?” We have been pretty good friends ever since.

Beverly has given me the best advice an elf can ever get:

#1 – You don’t have to do as you’re told.

That rule does not mean being a disobedient elf. It means you can blaze any kind of path you want as an elf and as a woman.

If someone tells you that, for whatever reason, you cannot follow your dream to become, say, a workshop elf you should not listen.

If you want to become a workshop elf, go out and do what you need to do to become a workshop elf.

Don’t let anyone stop you. Don’t give up. Ever. Keep working until you get it.

It’s good advice, and I’ve listened to #1 in my heart many times when I have been too scared to do something. As a rule, it has helped me a lot.

But rule #2 is even better.

#2 – They don’t know that you don’t know.

This rule is all about confidence.

It is about not trying to think what other people must be thinking. They don’t think what you think they think and they certainly don’t know how anxious or scared you are.

So don’t let them know that you don’t know.

Hold your head up. Be confident. Own your mistakes, laugh, and learn from them.

Such excellent elf advice. Well, it is even excellent life advice.

Elf Beverly and I do not talk a lot. She is a busy lady and is into a lot of elf life. But I know she watches me and when I do bump into her she usually has something to share with me.

After sleeping through most of that sleigh controller class the other day she looked at me and said, “Girlie, you have them watching you.” I believe she was referring to my recent columns here on SantaTrackers.net that have caused so much trouble. She didn’t say anything more.

But believe me, even before seeing Elf Beverly this week, I thought a lot about rules #1 and #2 from her. They have so applied to all I have been through.

I could not help asking her why she was there at the Sleigh Traffic Controller training this week. Her eyes got all big. “You don’t KNOW?” she asked.

I said no.

In fact, I confessed, the whole thing is a mystery to me. There are 700 elves getting that sleigh controller training.

700.

That is a lot of elves. And they are elves from all over. Some are test pilots, others work in various places in Flight Command, a whole bunch come from the North Pole Post Office and even some of the accountants at the Department of Redundancy Department are there.

But I cannot figure out why all these elves need this training.

In fact, I know there’s only room for about 40 such controllers in the tower at the North Pole Sleigh Port.

Just where are all these elves going to work?

And Elf Beverly?

None of it makes any sense to me.

I was bored in that classroom but after talking to Elf Beverly my interest took another turn. Something is happening here.

On the way out of that class I ran into Elf Harold in the hallway. He said, “Trixie, I want you to go to Costa Rica to report on the Elf Supervisor’s meeting.” Just as I was going to tell him I would and to ask him a few questions, Elf Roger Star appeared out of nowhere.

“Sorry, no – she better not,” Elf Roger said. “We don’t need news coverage of confidential stuff. Trixie can stay here and report on Easter eggs”. I did not know enough to understand that was a compliment to a reporter.

It kind of cheesed me off.

I guess I raised my voice. I guess I turned all red. And I guess I said some things to Roger that maybe were not nice.

I don’t know, I don’t remember now.

Anyway.

Santa walked right by in the middle of my, uh, commentary, and casually asked what was going on. Roger simply said that Elf Harold wanted me to go to Costa Rica.

Santa just nodded and said, “Good!” – and just kept right on walking.

Well, that iced it. I’m going to Costa Rica.

Elf Beverly saw all this happen from a distance. As she walked passed us she winked at me, smiled and said, “See you there, Girlie”.

Why is Elf Beverly a sleigh traffic controller and why is she going to Costa Rica?

Once Elf Blabbermouth here figures it out I’ll let you know.

Elf Trixie

New Points System Now Active

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A new points system has been engaged, triggering a new era in tracking Santa for Santa.

The new system, as announced weeks ago, features three total points types. You can access them via the new Points Summary gateway.

Elf Points are points as you have always known them. Points are awarded for your activity as an elf on SantaTrackers.net, especially in terms of your elf profile and how you present yourself as an elf online. This overall points pool gives you a ranking as an elf that features a star-theme. The higher your points the higher rank you achieve.

Tracker Points are a new points category that focuses on your core job as a tracker elf – tracking Santa for Santa. Tracker reports are at the center of your tracker rank, as are activities and duties most closely associated with tracking Santa. Your Elf Supervisor contributes to your ranking through a review process that evaluates your reports to flight command for their quality and usefulness.

Santa points are a less sharply defined category. These points are mostly acquired through Santa himself, who monitors your online behavior and rewards you for your kindness, creativity, initiative and charitable actions.

In all, all three point types are listed via their own links above. While this system overhaul has taken extensive hours of work we recognize that it is possible that errors have occurred.

If you feel that is the case you can request a Point & Badge Audit. It might take a few days to sort out but we are confident any errors can be rectified.

Over the course of the next several hours and days a lot of news will come out to help explain new processes, features and actions that can be taken to improve your point standings and ranks.