The Dumb Stuff of AI

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Have you noticed all the use of AI in everything right now?

School teachers and college professors are beside themselves with how many students these days use ChatGPT or some other kind of “artificial Intelligence” to do their homework assignments.

AI is being used in everything from buying tickets for shows or for transportation; to book hotel rooms or other travel arrangements; or to plan for inventories or to purchase advertising.

AI is the use of advanced computer technology to make regular tasks easier to do through computers.

At the North Pole we are guilty of embracing AI, too.

Right now, over at SantaUpdate.com, you can see an AI project put together by Elf Z and his team at North Pole Flight Command.

They call it ElfBot.

ElfBot is an AI tool for interacting with visitors at SantaUpdate.com.

In the few days it has been online we have seen ElfBot answer thousands of questions in conversational style.

AI is pretty cool because it “learns”, so they say. Elf Z was showing me that new questions used with ElfBot in just a few days have already made ElfBot smarter. It will only continue to improve with the answers it gives as more people ask additional questions.

That being said, I would tell you straight up that ElfBot is a moron. An idiot. And a fraud.

You see, AI is good — but it is also bad.

For example, a site visitor at SantaUpdate.com asked ElfBot what kind of milk shake elves like. Well, ElfBot had no idea what a milk shake even is, much less what kind of milk shake is most popular with elves (eggnog, by the way).

That’s because ElfBot was made to answer questions about Santa, Christmas, the North Pole, reindeer, elves and whatever else Elf Z and his band of geniuses programmed ElfBot to do.

Evidently, milk shakes were not on the learning plan for ElfBot.

So, when it came to milk shakes for elves, well, ElfBot is pretty worthless.

And that is what makes AI bad. It has no judgment. No heart. No feeling. And, despite all that claims that it “learns”, AI has no brains.

It’s a bot, but not an elf.

It has “intelligence” but it’s “artificial”, which is code for – it sucks. It’s terrible. It’s not real. It’s not anything more than a machine.

That’s the thing with AI.

It’s a poop packaged in a golden wrapper. Looks great from far away but when you get too close it just stinks.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Who cares what Elf Ed Zachary thinks about ElfBot? He doesn’t like anybody.

That’s true.

But what does Santa think about ElfBot? Well, surprise – surprise. Santa isn’t a fan.

But Santa is allowing ElfBot at SantaUpdate – and soon we will have an ElfBot right here at SantaTrackers.net – because in it’s present form ElfBot is just a bot. We’re not pretending he’s real. We’re telling everyone upfront that ElfBot is just a tool.

Elf Z and his team have this season to prove whether or not ElfBot is a tool worth keeping around.

I personally don’t think it is going to last. And neither does Santa, by the way.

Why?

Because of the rAIndeer Project.

What’s that?

It was an experimental program that Santa gave the boot to about a year ago.

The rAIndeer Project was an attempt made by the combined forces of the Reindeer Department and the team in Research and Development to bring forward robotic reindeer.

You’ve seen the robotic dogs made by different companies? It was kind of like those – a plastic robot shaped like a reindeer designed to do even the super-reindeer work of Santa’s reindeer.

It didn’t go well.

First of all, they looked ridiculous. They all had a hard, white, plastic body. Lined up, the 10 rAIndeer they made looked like a little army of unfinished clay toys.

Those bodies were filled with electronic computer stuff that gave them incredible capabilities that real reindeer do not have.

For example, each one of the could speak 17 different languages. They could calculate any mathematical equation you could feed it, they could dictate Dickens, play videos, radio stations and podcasts, and they knew by heart every cookie recipe known to man on the planet.

Physically, they were something to behold.

They never got tired, they never slowed down and they could swim in waters down to 30 feet. Volcanoes could not touch them,  tornados could not tear them apart, and snow and ice could not pile up on their thick, plastic and heated surfaces.

Watching them move was something to behold. Against regular reindeer they could jump higher and further, they could run longer, and if an object like a fence or a building got in their way they used complex propulsion motors to just get around it.

So why isn’t Santa using rAIndeer instead of reindeer?

Because they were long on artificial and short on intelligence.

Real reindeer can work as a team, using sleigh bells to power their rhythm. They can judge landing distance, use the trade winds and navigate by the stars in the night sky.

Oh, that’s another thing, too. The rAIndeer were solar powered. They couldn’t fly at night. That was just one reason why Santa said he would never use anything but natural reindeer to fly his sleigh. Santa has to work at night.

The rAIndeer, for all their intelligence, could never figure out how to work with each other.

In fact, when hitched to sleigh the rAIndeer would compete with each other rather than learning to pull together. That meant they could go fast but get nowhere in the process. Each time they went up they ended up flying in circles as their circuitry overloaded and they “flew” to beat each other. Their “intelligence” couldn’t grasp the idea of teamwork.

They had weird names. RuBot, DashBot, DanceBot, PranceBot, VixBot, ComBot, CuBot, DonBot and BlitzBot. Santa just couldn’t call them out and when he tried they all turned their heads and said, “How can I assist you today?” They just didn’t understand the word “go”.

In short, the rAIndeer Project was an utter failure and now their hollowed out bodies are planters in front of the offices of Research and Development (the petunias they hold are lovely).

The rAIndeer Project was secret for a long time but Santa had a video made of the tests they held with the robot reindeer and passed it around to every department considering the use of AI.

Several departments have been messing with this technology. The North Pole Post Office, the Wrapping Department and even North Pole Flight Command were all tinkering with AI.

Santa has made them stop. He put in place a rule: no AI for anything but tools. AI can not be used to develop a replacement for an elf of any kind.

ElfBot is a tool. An imperfect tool. But it’s just that, like any other tool, such as a wrench or a screwdriver.

You, as a tracker elf, could never be replaced by a bot.

Me, as a reporter elf, can never be replaced by a bot.

Reindeer, workshop elves, or any other kind of elf cannot be replaced by AI in any way, shape or form.

You see, as elves, we all have brains AND heart.

Including Santa.

That’s what separates us from AI. That’s what makes our work possible in helping Santa get around the world.

It’s not just because we’re physical. It’s because we’re smart. And we’re important. And we want to serve others.

AI can never do that.

Canada Very Active

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Hi Gang,

Right now we are kind of in a holding pattern with Flight Command. I’ve asked them for clear direction of how we can help them and they keep telling me to just wait.

All the sleigh flight activity that’s not related to the test flights of Santa’s sleigh so far seems to be in Canada – most specifically in the Yukon, which is pretty sparsely populated. That’s also a land of a lot of lumber and it is told to me that wood is coming from there to supply Santa’s Workshop.

That is a place and that is a product that moves regardless of the weather. They do have plenty of early winter weather there and Flight Command knows all about it.

If that changes, I’ll let you know.

But for now, Sector 5 is going to focus on our regular work.

So – if you haven’t done roof reports and chimney inspections yet please close that up. And keep the weekly weather reports coming from your area.

Thanks, Elves!

All Trackers on Alert

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It is only the end of September but I feel compelled to issue an alert for all Santa Trackers world wide.

There is a crisis in Santa’s Workshop and elves from nearly every department at the North Pole are mobilizing to help in the effort. We are equally called upon to join in the effort.

Starting TODAY, I am meeting via Zoom with Elf Supervisors, who are all at their stations at the Regional Tracking Centers. We are going through the latest instructions from North Pole Flight Command.

You can expect some specific instructions coming from each of them over the course of the next couple of days.

In addition, I have asked, and I believe he has already posted on the Elf Wall, for Elf Harold Star to remind you about the North Pole Chat already scheduled at SantaUpdate.com for this Sunday at 3pm EDT.

I hope to have new information and instruction that I can share at that time. As usual, chat recaps will be posted.

I do not yet have details to share at this time but I suspect most of what might be required of us will be added and specific weather reports for certain areas. I believe special missions to route needed supplies to the North Pole are being devised at this time and our instructions will be related to those missions.

What part, if any, Santa will play in these events are unknown. I can tell you, however, that is he very hands on with this whole process and that we can expect to hear more from him about this situation in the days and weeks ahead.

For now, my hope for each of you is that you will:

  1. Follow the news coming from this site, from SantaUpdate.com and from NorthPoleFlightCommand.com closely. Check in daily.
  2. Send your elf supervisor an Elf Status Report. If you are available for duty or not right now, your Elf Supervisor needs to know.
  3. Be prepared to respond to further reporting requests in the days ahead.

Thanks!

When Bad News Happens

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Years ago I got my start in the news business quite by accident.

I was working in the North Pole Post Office and there we received lots of letters that were not FOR Santa but were ABOUT Santa. They still get these kinds of letters.

They were letters from kids with doubts. Or from people who just didn’t believe. Or from those who just wanted to mock believers or belief in Santa Claus.

One day a particularly nasty letter arrived. I read it and I got mad. So I answered it.

I didn’t realize the letter came from a real reporter for a newspaper in Chicago. He took my letter and published it in the newspaper there.

Santa, of course, heard about it.

And he got upset with me a little bit. Not because I defended him and Christmas but because I used a few choice words that maybe kinda sorta were not nice and that overall I was sort of mean in what I wrote.

But I was mad. And, being a young elf then, there was no way I was going to let Santa be bullied.

Well, long story short, Santa thought I might be a good person to answer the harsh letters that came in. Over the period of a couple of years I was coached by Santa about how to answer those letters. He was always nicer than me in answering letters, that’s for sure.

But as I continued in the work of defending Santa I began to notice something. I noticed that bad letters seemed to follow bad news at the North Pole.

For example, years and years ago, we had to first outbreak of the Bah Humbug virus. This was long before Covid and a hundred times worse. The Bah Humbug virus attacked elves at the North Pole and it not only made them sick and miserable but it caused them to hate Christmas. Talk about a fever.

That Christmas was a tough one as the North Pole fought for months to hold back the virus but nothing worked. Elves began skipping out on work and the entire Santa effort that year was put in jeopardy. That was BAD news.

And sure enough, bad letters came in.

The same thing happened the year of the 6-month long blizzard. Or the year the sleigh wouldn’t fly. Or the year someone kept pranking North Pole departments with things like maple syrup and super glue.

In each instance, bad letters seemed to come on the heels of bad news.

Well, guess what?

I’ve got bad news. Real bad news.

And you guys need to be aware of it. You’re elves. You need to be in the know. Bad news is here, bad news is coming and we all – as elves – need to know what to do about it.

So, first of all, what’s the bad news?

The bad news is the crisis in Santa’s Workshop. You’re going to read a lot about it between now and when Santa flies.

It is going to be a rough ride the next few months.

How did we get here?

Well, to understand you need to know how the world of stuff works. It takes raw materials to make toys. Things like plastic, cardboard, metal, wood, and all kinds of glues, tiny screws and little clips. We make all that stuff here at the North Pole but in order to make those things we have to have plastic, cardboard, metals, and wood.

That stuff is the problem. It has been hard this year to get enough plastic, cardboard, metals and wood.

None of that stuff is at the North Pole. If we could make things out of snow and ice and water, we would be set. But we can’t.

I can tell you right now the letters we are going to get. Many are going to ask, “Why is Santa at the North Pole? If that stuff is so important, why wouldn’t Santa base his workshop where that stuff is?

The answer to that is simple. Plastics come from places like China. Rubber is from places like Thailand. Wood comes from Canada and Brazil and parts of Africa. All of this stuff comes from all over.

The reason Santa is at the North Pole is because it is central to all those places. It is central to everywhere. From the North Pole “everywhere” is south. Santa is at the North Pole not only because it makes him capable of flying anywhere in the world quickly but because it’s easy to ship things to the North Pole than anywhere on earth.

Think about it.

At the end of the day, my sad experience is that people aren’t really going to care for the details we give about the big, bad news story.

They just are scared that Christmas isn’t going to happen. That’s the real problem with bad news. People are scared.

My job – and your job – as elves – is to help people NOT be scared.

And the answer then is this: Santa never fails. Never.

He’s coming. There will be toys. You can take that to the bank.

To help them feel better you don’t need to explain about plastics and supply chains and workshop locations. You need to explain that believing in Santa is all that we need.

That’s it. That’s the answer.

Just believe.

Promotion Questions in Sector 5

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I cannot speak for any of the other Elf Supervisors but since made the announcement about promotions yesterday I have been flooded with questions. Let me see if I can make this more clear for elves in Sector 5.

First of all, if you want added responsibility as an elf, I want to streamline the process. Especially for all of our new Junior Tracker Elves. It is as simple as this:

If you want to be a North Pole Elf, just send me a message telling me that. Elf Moe has promised I can instantly promote you.

Because of this, I need a lot more Elf Trainers. If we will have new elves with the ability to get on the Elf Wall, we will need other North Pole elves to show them what to do and to help them out. If you are an experienced North Pole Elf and want this responsibility, just send me a message.

I would also remind you that I still need a Sector Lead in our sector. This is a big job and it isn’t for every elf, especially a new elf. I need an experienced elf to be my right hand this year. If you qualify and want that responsibility, please let me know.

Many of you have written is saying you’re willing to do anything. I’m thinking it over now and will be messaging you in the days ahead privately to discuss special jobs or missions I have in mind for you.

Thank you for your many responses. Keep them coming!

Elf Promotions Active

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Fellow Elves and Trackers in the Service of Santa,

It is shaping up to be an interesting season already. While I can report that we are on track with our early reporting in our efforts to track Santa for Santa I can tell you now that more will be asked of us this year.

While I cannot yet share full details of what is going on – that will be coming out soon — I can tell you our need for GOOD elves is growing by the minute.

As such, I have directed our Elf Supervisors today to effect as many elf promotions as possible.

That means that as a Freelance or Junior Tracker elf you can be elevate to full North Pole Elf status and obtain greater status and accessibility on this website just by sending your elf supervisor a message.

I am not entirely sure at this time what more will be asked of us in the Tracking Department. But we want to be ready. To be ready means more elves are trained and ready to serve Santa.

More details will be forthcoming. Those elves able and smart enough to act on this message will be rewarded. We need more good elves.

The Santa Map

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We are pleased to announce the opening of The World Santa Map – a place where believers and elves of all kinds can put themselves on Santa’s map.

We are only announcing this now here on Santa Trackers but will soon open the Santa map to site visitors at SantaUpdate.com.

You can put yourself on Santa’s map. In fact, it is intend for Santa to actually use this map. He can bring it up on his phone at any time if he needs a quick reference for any reason. So be sure you put yourself on the map.

You can be identified as a tracker, a freelance elf or any other kind of elf based upon your current assignment from Santa.

And what if you’re not an elf? Well, if you are a Santa Believer, yes there is room for you as well on Santa’s map.

Our thanks go to Elf Max, whose team has worked hard to bring us this new capability. We also acknowledge the help of Elf Gramps and the team at MyMerryChristmas.com for funding this project and keeping SantaTrackers.net available for all to use.

Elf Max and Elf Moe will keep the map running on the backend and will be charged, with their respective teams, in approving new submissions.

Using the map is easy. Just click on the giant red + button on the upper right of the map. There you can add your information, select your classification and pin point your location on the map.

Like all maps, this is just a reference. Please remember that while Santa can see this map so everyone else can too. We ask that you do not put your specific address on the map – just your city, town or village. Please be wise and remain safe. The map doesn’t need to show anything other than that.

Kindly review the submission instructions shown just below the map.

Note as well that the map shows the location of every Regional Tracking Center in each sector (again, town only, not specific street address). Other locations, I am told, that are critical to Operation Merry Christmas, including even the locations of ships of the North Pole Navy may be added at a later time.

We are also pleased to announce that Elf Westover will be our Map Master, serving as the answer-man on the Elf Wall and other places for questions that might be asked. Also feel free to reach out to your Elf Supervisor or respond to this post in the comments with any questions or suggestions you might have.

I’m looking forward to seeing all of your on Santa’s map!

Tracker Sign Ups Surge

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Tracker sign-ups have surged over the past few days after North Pole Flight Command announced the test flights of Santa’s sleigh are coming to Sector 3 in Europe and Africa. Here are some location screenshots that have crossed my computer monitor in just the past hour from Sector 3:

This is just a small sample of what we’re seeing. Yes, there are a lot of sign-ups in England but really I’m seeing it from North to South in our Sector. There is a LOT of energy right now for tracking Santa this year in our sector.

I don’t know if we can keep up this pace but if we do I imagine we can double the number of elves from what we had last year.

That being said, I want you all to remember that we’re not just here for checking the skies for sleighs. Yes, there is a lot of interest in that right now. And I get it. Everyone here at the Regional Tracking Center in Christmas Island is pumped to be checking the skies over us, too. This is a rare opportunity and we’ll be watching like everyone else is.

But while we spend the month of September doing that please do NOT forget we need a lot of reports over the next couple of months. I don’t want all of our new elves to just show up now to look for test flights and then not come back until Santa launches.

Our work here, if you remember, IS TO HELP SANTA.

Now, there’s an elf in Sweden – Elf Freddie the Fixer – I want to send a shout out to. The guy is a freelance elf but he’s dedicated. He’s good. I appreciate all your reports, pal. Nice work. If you are interested in becoming a North Pole Elf, please message me.

Eyes up! The test flights of Santa’s sleigh will be over us soon!

Back to Business

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As North Pole Flight Command announced earlier the test flights of Santa’s Sleigh will soon be in Sector 3. That means it is time for us to get back to business. But, a little fun first:

Elf Z in Flight Command was able to secure for us some great shots of the test flights that have been made available for release. We received hundreds of thousands of sleigh sighting reports over the past month  in our sector and many of those reports included pictures and videos. These are interesting:

 

Sleigh Sighting in Iowa

Taken somewhere in Iowa this shot shows multiple test flight sleighs during a high speed test. This is a confirmed sighting, recorded at a fairly low altitude.

Vancouver BC Sleigh Sighting

This was one of the few verified sleigh sightings on the Pacific Coast, taken in Vancouver BC it is a singular sleigh testing launch angles from the deck of a ship from the North Pole Navy.

Nova Scotia Sleigh Sighting

This was just a few days ago taken by an elf staffer here in Nova Scotia. Yes, we knew the sleighs were near us because Flight Command arranged it. What makes this interesting is the low level of this sighting, not far off the water. This was taken from a boat but we didn’t know exactly where it would happen but the coastal fog made for outstanding conditions for testing on-board lights. Santa does not like to use bright lights because he doesn’t want to wake people up. But sometimes he just needs additional lighting. His complaints are that the on board lighting is either too bright or too dim. So they are testing adjustable lights that can be controlled by voice.

 

I appreciate Elf Z sending these images because they give us a much better idea of the kind of work these test pilot teams do. It’s not all just blazing through the skies – they are DOING stuff out there that they hope will help Santa.

And that’s what we do too. So, back to business. We enjoyed the test flights over our sector the past several weeks but we have spent so much time and reporting in trying to find the test flights we have fallen a little behind in our usual work. So let’s catch up by doing the following:

  1. Chimney Inspections – please do them sooner rather than later. We don’t want you trying to do these in bad weather and by all means **keep your feet on the ground**. Please turn these in by the end of September.
  2. Roof Reports – these are among the most important we can do. If you want to prevent Santa from damaging your roof, please check it out and let us know in advance if there are issues. We are compiling as many pictures to these reports as we can so if you can submit a roof picture use the photo submission report for that.

For now, that’s it. I’m not going to try to ask you for additional reports between now and the end of October unless Flight Command or Santa comes up with something special. Don’t hold me to it but I want to see if the next two months will give us a chance to do a very thorough job with these reports.

Thanks – you’re the best!

Reporting Plan for Sector 4

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Greetings from Christmas Island in Jamaica!

Finally I can announce a reporting plan in our lead up to Santa’s launch. Our sector is so unique that we need to do it two ways: a plan for South America and most of the Atlantic, and another plan for Greenland and the North Atlantic.

First, for everyone in the Sector:

Weather reports: All elves in the sector going forward should send in a weather report each Tuesday from now until December. It will likely change then.

Second, for South America, the Caribbean, and south of the equator in the Atlantic:

Roof Report: It’s Hurricane season, so be careful. We want to get these reports done by the end of September.
Local Christmas Report: Every week on Saturday between now and Halloween. Special request from Santa for some reason.

Third, for Greenland and north of the equator in the Atlantic:

Chimney Inspections: Watch weather conditions, be safe. We have time to get these done but the sooner the better.
Public Observation: This is different than a Local Christmas Report. Another special request from Santa. We need this about every two weeks going forward, your choice of what day of the week.

This is all we need unless the test flights of Santa’s sleigh come back into our sector soon, which I have not heard about.

We’re keeping it simple this year. Be sure to check in at least once a week for breaking news.

Thank you and Merry Christmas.

Santa Tracker Sign Ups Explode

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Almost without explanation and earlier in the season than ever, Elf Flip of North Pole Flip of North Pole Flight Command’s Accounting Department says the number of sign ups for tracker elves is exploding.

“We are not sure yet why these numbers are increasing,” Elf Flip admitted. “We always see a large increase every year around the fall period but that typically doesn’t happen until early to mid-October. This year it is happening now. We’re not sure why.”

The SantaTrackers.net website has not only experienced large-scale renovation but a change in how memberships are processed has actually kept more people out than have accepted them in.

“We have a longer probationary period now to become a North Pole Elf and to participate in the Elf Community online,” Elf Moe, the tracker elf admissions administrator at SantaTrackers.net said. “To get elevated to that status takes time and work and really we’re early in the process for this year. So what we are seeing is an explosion in Junior Tracker elves — newbies — and they are in their probationary period now. Will it lead to a future explosion of North Pole elves as they learn those elf skills and are elevated by the Elf Supervisors? We hope so. That’s the plan.”

The trend is following a general outburst in fresh activity on all Official North Pole websites.

“The interest in Santa and Christmas is intense so far this year,” said Elf Crash Murphy, the International Director of Santa Trackers. “We’re still trying to understand it. It’s been a good year, Operation Merry Christmas has gone very smooth so far, we haven’t had any huge news events to explain it. We’re just seeing a lot of activity early and we think it is good news.”

Some Elf Supervisors are a little nervous about what it can mean. Elf Pinky Yates, Elf Supervisor for Sector 5 covering Central and North America, which is the largest sector in the world of Santa believers, says that test flights concentrated over Sector 5 for much of the month of August could be influencing interest.

“We rarely know where the test flights are going and this year they told us in advance they would be in our skies and then asked us to look for them,” Elf Pinky said. “That has happened at a great time, especially in North America. It’s still summer, so it’s warm and star gazing is a natural part of the summer experience in North America especially. People are already looking up and since we put the word out that they could see a test flight Santa’s sleigh many of them have said they could get into this whole elf thing.”

Elf Flip says the hard numbers won’t be out until sometime in September but he said he expects them to so growth in every sector. Tracking Santa for Santa is going to be very popular this year.

New Sector Lead Announcement

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Hi Elves!

What a cRAZy week it has been. I have known for over a week about our new sector lead but I haven’t been able to announce it because we were waiting for Santa’s approval.

I talked to Elf Crash right away and he, of course, approved immediately. But the rules are that I cannot announce things like this until Santa signs off and he’s been so doggone hard to get a hold of.

Anyway, I finally got a phone call from Santa this morning – and by the morning I mean at 2:25am in the morning (I tell you, the man NEVER sleeps) — and, of course, he said yes and it was actually a very short conversation.

Our new sector lead is Elf Ulan, who resides, as you know, in Japan. I’m so very excited to have this dedicate elf as our Sector Lead. We will have such a good year in Sector 1 with Ulan in this role.

She’s going to start right away. I know you already know that you can ask anything of Elf Ulan and she will help you. She’s an Elf of the Year winner already and she has been with us for a long, long time championing the cause of Santa. We are SO very lucky to have her.

Now, there are other elf supervisors who have new sector leads coming soon. Santa was taking so long I was afraid I would not be the first. Whew!

This gives us a good foundation for moving forward. Thank you, Elf Ulan,  for being a part of my team!