Things I Cannot Tell You

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Costa Rica is a pretty place. I’m tempted to stay a few days and explore. Other than the beach there really hasn’t been much we have seen of this beautiful, warm country.

The people here are very nice. I do not understand a word they say, but that’s not their fault. Someday I must learn some Spanish.

Santa, of course, has no problem speaking with them. And they love him here. No surprise, eh?

Anyways.

We hit the beach when we first got here but ever since we’ve been locked inside. We are at a resort. It is very nice but with it being so nice here all the time I have wanted to be out there more.

But we might as well have been at the North Pole. The meetings here have been intense.

By that I mean there has been a lot of discussion of many changes. Santa has been in charge, so there is no arguing. There are many questions and good things being talked about. I think actually that elves here are kind of excited for what is to come.

But…you might not hear about some of these changes. I’m not sure I even understand them all. Many technical things have been talked about and I have learned more about the backend of Santa’s operations in this week than I have ever known before.

There is so much that goes into being Santa.

For example, did you know that Santa has to be certified in sleigh flight every year? He has to be licensed in no less than 140 countries. He has a special team at Flight Command that takes control of all the licenses and permits and certifications Santa has to have.

Now, is that important stuff to know?

Not really. But I found it interesting nonetheless. This week has been full of little revelations like that.

But I know that is not why you are here. I know you want to know what’s going on.

Well…I can’t tell you. There are just some things they will not let me talk about. Well, lots of things.

I can just tell you that July is going to be a huge month. Christmas in July is supposed to be a fun event and there will be a lot of fun things going on. But it is also kind of a starting line. A new beginning, you could call it, for the Santa Tracker program.

You will be getting closer to your elf supervisor. In fact, you might even be taking on some new tasks – special new elf jobs – based on what I am hearing from the Elf Supervisors. Elf Pinky and Elf Rolf – Sectors 5 and 3 – are especially high energy about stuff.

Of course, they have the most elves in their sectors. So it kind of makes sense. But keep your eyes on those two. Much to come from them, I assure you.

The subject of elf jobs is going to be talked about a lot. I have an idea for you to consider: if you want to grow in your elf career send a message to Elf Sandy Claus and tell her your ideas. Don’t wait to contract her.

Just send her a message out of the blue. Tell her your elf goals. Tell her your abilities and how you can help Santa and the North Pole. Describe for her your most perfect elf job, both for right now and for in the future.

Don’t worry if what you might dream about in elf work doesn’t exist right now. In fact, it might possibly exist and you just don’t know it.

Santa is on the move. He’s looking to move elves along too. He’s looking to the Santa Tracker program to help put new elves in new places, both now and in the future.

Oh. And Elf Max. There’s an elf going somewhere.

Remember, Elf Max does not live at the North Pole. He has never even been there.

But he is becoming VERY important to Santa and he has turned a lot of heads with all he does. The cookies right now are on Elf Max to make the jump from where he lives in Vancouver to the North Pole.

If that happens, I hope to write the story.

Maybe one of these days Elf Harold can help me tell the story of the elves – where they come from, how they came to work for Santa, how long ago all this stuff happened and how they all got to the North Pole. It is an ancient story, a Christmas story, you could say.

But in modern times elves have kind of settled. Of course, they originally came from all places all over the world. But in recent generations they have grown up at the North Pole.

It isn’t rare that someone comes from somewhere else and ends up at the North Pole. After all, that’s my story too. It is just that you never hear about it.

Elf Max’s story is a good one and it is happening right in front of us. I hope he allows me to tell it completely. Max is not a guy who likes to talk much about himself. He’s all Santa, all the time. Which is probably one of the reasons he has done so well for himself.

Anyways. That’s what’s cooking for me from here.

We’re headed back. Lots of chats this weekend. Lots of stuff to get back to. For the Elf Supervisors, I’ll just tell you this:

Everything as changed.

I just cannot tell you much about it. Yet.

Elf Trixie

Best Elf Advice Ever

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About a month ago I got a text from Elf Meg Nogg, who writes for North Pole Flight Command. “I got a hot tip for ya”, the text said.

That’s kind of a code we use for “let’s do lunch”.

So the next day we met at Curly’s Pickle Emporium, one of the most popular eateries in North Pole Village. Meg loves Curly’s pickle salad and I love their frosted mug root beer floats.

Meg told me, “I really do have a hot tip for you” and she proceeded to tell me about the Sleigh Traffic Controller thing that she posted about on Flight Command’s website yesterday.

She advised me then to look into it. So when the training this week started I was there for the first class.

To be honest with you, I’ve never been so bored with a North Pole event in my life. I could never be a sleigh traffic controller. There is just too much math involved.

But while there I spotted right there in the front row one of the most incredible elves you could ever want to meet – Elf Beverly.

Elf Beverly is an older elf, meaning she has a ton of experience and has been around a long time. I don’t really know how old she is.

Mrs. Claus first told me about her. She advised me to seek her out and become her friend.

I first saw her in a class at Southern North Pole University. She’s kind of hard to miss. She’s short – about 4’ 10” – and her hair is all white.

I had no idea how long her hair was until seeing her later at the North Pole Halloween party. For that event she wore her hair down, which is something she almost never does.

Everyone was in awe of her hair that night. They thought it was fake but, of course, it was totally real. She danced just once, with Big Sled Ted. Their extremes in height made for an interesting pairing and the shimmer of her hair made it all quite the spectacle.

Why was Elf Beverly at the Sleigh Traffic Controller training?

Elf Beverly could run any department at the North Pole. She has worked for most of them — at the workshop, the Post Office, in Wrapping, over with the reindeer – you name it, and Elf Beverly has been there at one time or another.

She’s a legend here, as big as any elf legend at the North Pole.

They were talking about her one day on the radio and one of the smart aleck test pilots laughed when it was suggested that Elf Beverly become a test pilot.

Beverly caught wind of it and sign up for classes at Southern North Pole University to prepare her for the big math test you have to take to get into the test pilot program.

One just does not laugh at Elf Beverly.

She took the classes, aced the tests and got into the program. Last year before the season she passed all her certifications and she spent most of last year as a test pilot. Then, on Christmas Eve, when the test flight program for the year closed, she resigned.

Beverly asked to be transferred back to the Elf Training department, the last real elf job she claims to have really loved.

When asked why she put in all that time in to certify and become a test pilot only to quit after her first successful season Beverly said she only did it to prove to herself that she could do it.

Nobody challenges Elf Beverly. She does what she wants.

That is not to suggest that she does not keep rules or work in places other than where Santa wants her. Just don’t tell her she’s not up to doing something.

Mrs. Claus once told me that Santa has asked her many times to run a few different departments.

Elf Beverly always says she is more effective as an elf without a title. Santa respects her wishes. But he also knows she can do anything and everything.

At the class at the University when I first met her I went up and introduced myself. Beverly gave me a sideways glance and said, “Girlie, who told you to talk to me?” (She always calls me Girlie).

I confessed that Mrs. Claus had given me that advice. That got her attention. “You know Mrs. Claus?” We have been pretty good friends ever since.

Beverly has given me the best advice an elf can ever get:

#1 – You don’t have to do as you’re told.

That rule does not mean being a disobedient elf. It means you can blaze any kind of path you want as an elf and as a woman.

If someone tells you that, for whatever reason, you cannot follow your dream to become, say, a workshop elf you should not listen.

If you want to become a workshop elf, go out and do what you need to do to become a workshop elf.

Don’t let anyone stop you. Don’t give up. Ever. Keep working until you get it.

It’s good advice, and I’ve listened to #1 in my heart many times when I have been too scared to do something. As a rule, it has helped me a lot.

But rule #2 is even better.

#2 – They don’t know that you don’t know.

This rule is all about confidence.

It is about not trying to think what other people must be thinking. They don’t think what you think they think and they certainly don’t know how anxious or scared you are.

So don’t let them know that you don’t know.

Hold your head up. Be confident. Own your mistakes, laugh, and learn from them.

Such excellent elf advice. Well, it is even excellent life advice.

Elf Beverly and I do not talk a lot. She is a busy lady and is into a lot of elf life. But I know she watches me and when I do bump into her she usually has something to share with me.

After sleeping through most of that sleigh controller class the other day she looked at me and said, “Girlie, you have them watching you.” I believe she was referring to my recent columns here on SantaTrackers.net that have caused so much trouble. She didn’t say anything more.

But believe me, even before seeing Elf Beverly this week, I thought a lot about rules #1 and #2 from her. They have so applied to all I have been through.

I could not help asking her why she was there at the Sleigh Traffic Controller training this week. Her eyes got all big. “You don’t KNOW?” she asked.

I said no.

In fact, I confessed, the whole thing is a mystery to me. There are 700 elves getting that sleigh controller training.

700.

That is a lot of elves. And they are elves from all over. Some are test pilots, others work in various places in Flight Command, a whole bunch come from the North Pole Post Office and even some of the accountants at the Department of Redundancy Department are there.

But I cannot figure out why all these elves need this training.

In fact, I know there’s only room for about 40 such controllers in the tower at the North Pole Sleigh Port.

Just where are all these elves going to work?

And Elf Beverly?

None of it makes any sense to me.

I was bored in that classroom but after talking to Elf Beverly my interest took another turn. Something is happening here.

On the way out of that class I ran into Elf Harold in the hallway. He said, “Trixie, I want you to go to Costa Rica to report on the Elf Supervisor’s meeting.” Just as I was going to tell him I would and to ask him a few questions, Elf Roger Star appeared out of nowhere.

“Sorry, no – she better not,” Elf Roger said. “We don’t need news coverage of confidential stuff. Trixie can stay here and report on Easter eggs”. I did not know enough to understand that was a compliment to a reporter.

It kind of cheesed me off.

I guess I raised my voice. I guess I turned all red. And I guess I said some things to Roger that maybe were not nice.

I don’t know, I don’t remember now.

Anyway.

Santa walked right by in the middle of my, uh, commentary, and casually asked what was going on. Roger simply said that Elf Harold wanted me to go to Costa Rica.

Santa just nodded and said, “Good!” – and just kept right on walking.

Well, that iced it. I’m going to Costa Rica.

Elf Beverly saw all this happen from a distance. As she walked passed us she winked at me, smiled and said, “See you there, Girlie”.

Why is Elf Beverly a sleigh traffic controller and why is she going to Costa Rica?

Once Elf Blabbermouth here figures it out I’ll let you know.

Elf Trixie

Chocolate Butter and Deadbeat Elves

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Fact: Last night I witnessed Santa fire thousands, if not millions of elves. Right there from his kitchen table.

I feel vindicated. In my last column I told of a rumor out of Flight Command about elves losing their jobs and I caught some flak for it. Well, those guys in Flight Command were not kidding. I saw it happen.

It was totally a chance thing.

I was at the Claus residence because Mrs. Claus invited me to come over after class yesterday so she could show me how she decorates her chocolate butter Easter eggs.

This was a thing for me when I was little. My Mom and my Grandma had this little tradition of making and decorating chocolate Easter eggs and I told Mrs. Claus about that one time so she invited me over because I told her that while I’m a sucker for chocolate butter I have no skills whatsoever with decorating those eggs.

So there I was, making a total mess of this really rich chocolate butter egg, and in walks Santa.

He’s got his open laptop in one arm and he’s talking to Elf Roger as he walks in, and Roger carried in his open laptop as well. Both Santa and Roger were so deep in conversation that neither even said hi when coming into the kitchen.

Santa just grabbed a finished egg and bit into it like an apple. I’ve never seen that in my life.

I usually just slice off little pieces of these chocolate butter eggs and eat it slowly over a period of time because it’s so rich. But not Santa. He just put his mouth on it and chomped away. Mrs. Claus saw that and chuckled a little bit and said to me, “My kitchen, his house!”

Santa heard that. He said, “Hey, it’s good to be the king!”

Then he went right on talking to Elf Roger again. They were talking, as they have all year long about this website.

In so many words, the gist of it was that Santa wanted to remove inactive elves from the website and Roger did not want to do that.

I heard Santa say of one particular elf, “Look, she’s got some problems. As she has gotten older she has developed quite an attitude and she is now bullying her little brother. This is not the behavior of an elf!”

Mrs. Claus looked up from her decorating and gave Santa a stern look. “Santa, she’s eight.”

He stopped talking and shook his head. “Okay, he said. I’ll give her one more chance”.

Mrs. Claus looked at me and laughed again. “He’s the head of this house, but I’m the neck!”

I was just trying to remain as small as I could. I was there for the chocolate butter.

The last time I overheard a conversation about the plans for this site I wrote some stuff and got in some trouble. Now I was getting an earful and in my head I was thinking what to do with all I was hearing. Both Santa and Roger know how I feel about what I write here. Roger was one who did not like that I said what I said.

And here I was witnessing the so-called rumor.

Finally, after a lot of back and forth, Santa said to me, “Trixie, what do you think?”

Well, it was a fair question. Not only did I write about firing elves but I’ve also put in hours and hours of work writing for Elf University and taking assignments from Elf Harold. Nobody is working harder than Elf Max on all this stuff but there are lots like me who are putting in the hours behind the scenes.

Elf Max was “there” on Zoom – Roger had called him when Santa said he wanted to “purge the system of deadbeat elves”.

I could hear Elf Max breathing on the Zoom call – stress, I think – but he wasn’t saying much. Here was Roger, his boss, arguing with Santa – Roger’s boss! – over what poor Max was going to be charged with doing.

But here is what the amazing thing of this moment really taught me:

Santa does not have a naughty list. That has been talked about on the official North Pole websites for years. But Santa and even Mrs. Claus seemed to know every elf they were talking about. They even talked about some of you, the more active elves, like they know everything about you.

In the course of the conversation I heard Santa or Mrs. Claus mention Elf Peppermint and Elf Lachie and Elf Cookie Dough. Santa says you guys are the reason he wanted to get rid of the inactive elves.

Hold on – let me clarify something here. He wasn’t “getting rid” of them.

The more we talked the more Elf Roger’s argument seemed to take hold. Santa wanted them out of the Elf Community for the sake of the Elf Community. They settled not on firing them but on changing their status from North Pole elves to Freelance elves.

Roger insisted that they be sent an email notifying them of the change and giving them an opportunity to come back if they want to.

Mrs. Claus supported this position and Santa finally agreed.

Anyway.

Long story short, if things look a bit lighter around here today its because a lot of elves of record were taken off the record last night.

I was part of it. As Santa and Roger talked and made decisions, Elf Max quickly got overwhelmed. I was put on Roger’s laptop to help him actually sort through all these elves who were on the chopping block.

And we chopped and chopped and chopped.

Santa and Roger were the judge and jury and me and Max were the executioners.

We spent five hours working on it and Santa called it a “good round #1”.

As Santa later walked out the door – grabbing another chocolate butter egg, by the way – he turned to me and said, “Is this going to show up in the Santa Tracker Herald Star tomorrow?”

I just nodded.

Roger just looked at me and said, “Good.”

So, just to validate everything I have said above, I’m sharing a screen shot of something new coming Saturday that I actually got excited about.

This doesn’t have to directly do with the elimination of elves but the fact that we will no longer have legions of inactive elves in our systems here at SantaTrackers.net means that our numbers will be more realistic. Santa was quick to point out that NOW, not Christmas in July, is the time to clean things up. He said he wants those elves on SantaTrackers.net to know that all of our changes to the website are for the good of those elves who are active and who intend to do well as elves.

Here is a screenshot of a new personal points summary and I think it’s really cool.

There are three such screens and you guys will see them on Saturday – along with a bunch of new really neat features:

Elf Points Summary

See?

This column is not just about rumors. It’s about the true stories of life in the jungles of the North Pole, such as they are.

Santa is one hands-on boss, elves. I saw it last night in spades.

He knows who each of us as elves are. He doesn’t need lists. He’s got – and Mrs. Claus, too – a steel-trap mind. He knows us.

And I think he’s fueled by chocolate butter. No lie.

Elf Trixie

A Cheap Way for Some Free Time Off

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Howdy, elves. Welcome to my new column here at the Santa Tracker Herald Star.

It’s a new assignment I’m just silly over. I get to tell you what I’m hearing in the way of rumors and gossip at the North Pole.

How cool is that?

Anyways. What kind of North Pole dirt do you want me to spill?

Something about the Claus family? Well, there’s a new cat there. I don’t know her name. But rumor has it the Claus dogs (there are several) are not happy.

Ok, I know. That’s a lame thing to start with.

So let’s talk elf stuff. You’re all elves, so you will understand this.

Elves here are starting to buzz about a cheap way for them to get some free time off. Not that working for Santa is bad or anything. But it’s February. Things at the North Pole are wildly busy right now.

Some elves, despite the early January break we all took, are hankering for vacation. But believe it or not, we’re still in the “holiday hold”. That’s what they call that time of year when none of us can take vacations.

Anyways.

Sit tight for big news from The Big Guy soon.

It’s not a shocking thing, ya know, it’s happened before and it’s something traditional. They are just looking for a way to get remote elves involved (yes, tracker elves, looking at you here). That could happen any day now.

Too vague for you?

This is the world of rumors. That’s what this little column is supposed to be about. So bear with me.

Hey, I also have heard some new stuff about Valentine’s Day next week.

Kinda weird for a North Pole holiday, if you ask me. Elves – especially the North Pole boy elves — are notoriously shy and geeky. That makes Valentine’s here so w-e-i-r-d.

Come to think of it, that could be why Halloween is so over-the-top here. Everyone gets to wear a mask. Nobody really knows who is behind the costume.

I think what we need to do is to combine Halloween and Valentines and it would be just about perfect. Hallowtines? Valenween?

Haha. Anyways.

I know there are three elves who like me. I won’t mention their names. But – they know I know they know that I know, ya know? So Valentines can be especially, uh, awkward this time around.

Meanwhile, I’m just as bad. There’s this elf, you see, in the Tinsel Department who is…golly.

Anyways, I don’t exist to him and Valentine’s Day is going to….nevermind.

I shouldn’t do rumors about me.

Let’s talk Santa, shall we? No Valentine’s weirdness there. Seriously. Santa and Mrs. C are the cutest couple. They never even fight. Santa opens the door for her and insists that everyone call her Mrs. The other day I saw him tying her shoes. I mean, how cute is that?

I wonder if Santa has a brother?

Anyways.

Another hot rumor: the North Pole is getting a water slide.

Well, maybe.

There’s all kinds of talk about it happening in time for Christmas-in-July.

Yeah, cause I know you’re gonna ask, does it still snow here in July. Heck yeah, it snows. Just not as much.

So yeah, that water slide is going to have to have heated water. But what’s the big deal about that, right? They heat pools. Why not water slides?

So this could be interesting.

The dunking booth is always one of the big attractions at Christmas in July. If they combine the dunking booth with the water slide I think it will be more popular than ever.

Go ahead. Ask me questions.

Elf Trixie