Howdy, elves. Welcome to my new column here at the Santa Tracker Herald Star.

It’s a new assignment I’m just silly over. I get to tell you what I’m hearing in the way of rumors and gossip at the North Pole.

How cool is that?

Anyways. What kind of North Pole dirt do you want me to spill?

Something about the Claus family? Well, there’s a new cat there. I don’t know her name. But rumor has it the Claus dogs (there are several) are not happy.

Ok, I know. That’s a lame thing to start with.

So let’s talk elf stuff. You’re all elves, so you will understand this.

Elves here are starting to buzz about a cheap way for them to get some free time off. Not that working for Santa is bad or anything. But it’s February. Things at the North Pole are wildly busy right now.

Some elves, despite the early January break we all took, are hankering for vacation. But believe it or not, we’re still in the “holiday hold”. That’s what they call that time of year when none of us can take vacations.

Anyways.

Sit tight for big news from The Big Guy soon.

It’s not a shocking thing, ya know, it’s happened before and it’s something traditional. They are just looking for a way to get remote elves involved (yes, tracker elves, looking at you here). That could happen any day now.

Too vague for you?

This is the world of rumors. That’s what this little column is supposed to be about. So bear with me.

Hey, I also have heard some new stuff about Valentine’s Day next week.

Kinda weird for a North Pole holiday, if you ask me. Elves – especially the North Pole boy elves — are notoriously shy and geeky. That makes Valentine’s here so w-e-i-r-d.

Come to think of it, that could be why Halloween is so over-the-top here. Everyone gets to wear a mask. Nobody really knows who is behind the costume.

I think what we need to do is to combine Halloween and Valentines and it would be just about perfect. Hallowtines? Valenween?

Haha. Anyways.

I know there are three elves who like me. I won’t mention their names. But – they know I know they know that I know, ya know? So Valentines can be especially, uh, awkward this time around.

Meanwhile, I’m just as bad. There’s this elf, you see, in the Tinsel Department who is…golly.

Anyways, I don’t exist to him and Valentine’s Day is going to….nevermind.

I shouldn’t do rumors about me.

Let’s talk Santa, shall we? No Valentine’s weirdness there. Seriously. Santa and Mrs. C are the cutest couple. They never even fight. Santa opens the door for her and insists that everyone call her Mrs. The other day I saw him tying her shoes. I mean, how cute is that?

I wonder if Santa has a brother?

Anyways.

Another hot rumor: the North Pole is getting a water slide.

Well, maybe.

There’s all kinds of talk about it happening in time for Christmas-in-July.

Yeah, cause I know you’re gonna ask, does it still snow here in July. Heck yeah, it snows. Just not as much.

So yeah, that water slide is going to have to have heated water. But what’s the big deal about that, right? They heat pools. Why not water slides?

So this could be interesting.

The dunking booth is always one of the big attractions at Christmas in July. If they combine the dunking booth with the water slide I think it will be more popular than ever.

Go ahead. Ask me questions.