I was recently given an assignment. I am in deep panic about it.
You see, in my life as an elf I haven’t actually done anything.
I’m not one of those elves in Santa’s workshop. Those elves have skills and can make things with their hands. I don’t know any elf over there who cannot fix things or figure things out.
I’m not like that.
I couldn’t find my way out of a paper box and the only thing I’ve ever made is fun of people. For me, I find the instructions for Pop Tarts challenging.
The same thing can be said of elves in the Sleigh Department. Those are some smart elves. They build things and do math at the same time.
They make flying sleighs that go faster than the speed of sound. I make noises that go the speed of sound. But that doesn’t speak to any real talents that I have.
You see, my job has been in the news business. My tools are a keyboard and my limited wit.
My job, on a daily basis at least, has been to deal with the letters we get from non-believers. I engage in the battle of nitwits.
I guess none of that looks good on a resume. And it’s a good thing I don’t work in the real world with a real job that requires skills and abilities. All I’m really qualified to do is “Welcome to Walmart…”
That is why I’m scared senseless by this new elf assignment.
Someone, perhaps an elf out of his mind, decided to place me on the Regional Tracking Committee.
That’s a team of elves that oversees the selection process for the Regional Tracking centers for this next year.
I have no qualifications for this.
In fact, when Elf Ernest sent me the email with this assignment I sent it back. “You must mean another Elf Ed Zachary,” I wrote in response, refusing the assignment.
He immediately called me.
“This isn’t optional, Mr. Zachary,” Ernest said. “You’re a director. You cannot refuse an assignment.”
Well.
I’m still trying to find that in my contract.
So I did the only sensible thing an elf could do: I forwarded the email to Santa and said, “If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve”.
(I heard that once in a movie and thought it was a cool way to say I won’t do this).
Santa didn’t say much in response. “I saw that movie, too. This isn’t a movie. You’ll do fine.”
So, here I find myself, an elf with no real knowledge, no real skills, no real idea what is needed and having never set foot in a Regional Tracking Center in my life, on the Committee in Charge of this Stuff.
I’m going to show up to our first meeting with a paper bag over my head.
I hope nobody notices I’m there and I’m hoping nobody calls on me to say anything.
What would you do if you were in my position?
Sincerely.
I’m asking for input here.
After Santa refused me I contacted Elf Ernest again and basically asked him the same question.
Elf Ernest told me to relax.
He said the reason the News Department is included in this process is that we have people who will be using the Regional Tracking Centers and will be responsible for reporting the news from each sector. We do not necessarily need to be an influence in selection but we need to know the process and the background that goes into setting up each regional center.
Well.
All that at least makes some sense. In that respect, I can go to the meetings, nod my head a lot and take a few notes.
I can put a thoughtful look on my face as other elves discuss, deliberate and decide on matters I know nothing about. It’s not much but it is one of my unique superpowers.
Stay tuned for more inspiring news from this timid elf.
Hi Elf Ed Zachary! Congratulations on being on the Regional Tracking Committee. I remember when Elf Roger, Elf Crash, Elf Trixie, etc., were placed in their current positions. Everyone is afraid when they start new things because they don’t know well about it. You’re not the only one there; other committee members greatly help you. You’re lucky; you can hear from the elves their experiences of how they worked with their new jobs. (I was also amazed, delighted, and then puzzled after I received the Elf of the Year award because we have wonderful elves including you all. No one told me what I should do then. I’m still exploring to be a nicer elf now, lol.) I think Santa was considered a lot too how to be Santa because no one has ever flown around the world in one night. Elves around you will help you as they helped Santa. You’re quick-witted and can make people fun, so your ideas can help in the regional center. Santa and Elf Ernest know you more than yourself. I cheer you up, and I’m happy if I could help you, even a little thing! I’m looking forward to hearing and learning from you! XD
If I was in your position, I would keep moving forward even if its not the job you want you need to do it know matter what. But if you don’t exactly want it you can talk to Santa about it.
I don’t think you should be too worried. As a newsman I think your going to enjoy getting the inside story of what goes into selecting a regional tracking center. Maybe when all is said and done you may even have some impact on the selection process. Maybe it just seems overwhelming now and what be as bad as what your imagining. Good luck!
Do not panic. I’ve given this advice before. Be yourself, you were selected for a reason you do have skills that are relevant, otherwise you would not have been selected. You will be there to listen and to pass on information. You will also learn and gain more skills. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. There really is no such thing as a stupid question. You are working as part of a team, so you are not alone. YOU WILL BE FINE.
Elf Ed Zachary, you have far more talent than you think you do. You know a lot about the state of believers and nonbelievers, and you’d be able to relate that knowledge to which places would be the best Regional Tracking Centers. You are perfect for this job! Take some deep breaths and just know that sometimes the things we’re tasked with in life that seem the scariest end up being some of the most rewarding (I can tell you that one from experience). Hang in there; we are all thinking of you!!