Elf Bernard is the head elf at Santa’s workshop. I went over to the workshop this week to meet with Elf Bernard and to get an update on how the work is going there.
Elf Bernard is not the dude you think he is.
First of all, he’s a very smart elf who has worked for Santa for a very, very long time. Bernard’s profile at SantaUpdate.com, which has been there since 1991, gives a pretty accurate assessment of what Bernard is like.
But Elf Bernard has an image problem.
You see, in 1993 a movie came out called The Santa Clause, which proved to be very popular. In that movie the head elf in Santa’s workshop is named Bernard.
It’s just a movie and none of it is true but many people around the world think that the Elf Bernard in the movie is what the real Elf Bernard at the North Pole is like.
That is not true. The real Elf Bernard is nothing like the movie version.
You see, the real Elf Bernard, since that movie came out, gets a lot of mail. Most of it comes from little girls (who think Bernard is cute) or from people who have elf questions that only Elf Bernard can answer.
Elf Bernard – the real one – insists that he is not cute and he has no interest in answering all the mail he receives. The real Elf Bernard, he says, is a working elf. He carries a hammer, he works with his hands, and he gets things done for Santa.
And the real Elf Bernard absolutely detests that movie.
“No other movie has set back the image and understanding of Santa, the North Pole and elf life like that movie,” Elf Bernard said.
He said the movie distorts life at the North Pole, it totally makes reindeer look stupid and that even as a message of what Christmas is all about the movie is harmful.
Bernard is very opinionated.
But that does not mean he does not like Christmas movies. He just does not like Christmas movies that pretend to know about Santa, elves, reindeer and the North Pole.
He said he has never seen a good Christmas movie with any of that and he said if he had a say in what elves watch he would ban all those movies.
In fact, his favorite Christmas movie is A Christmas Carol, which never even mentions Santa or the North Pole.
But he really hates all those Santa Clause movies. Those, he said, are really bad movies.
In the movie, all elves look like children. That’s not true either. But real elves at the North Pole – who generally LOVE the Santa Clause movies – actually like the idea that everyone thinks elves look like youngsters. They think that’s funny.
But not Elf Bernard.
He’s kind of a stickler. Elves working in Santa’s workshop are expected to look neat. They wear uniforms there and Elf Bernard has them all color coded based upon their skill level. An elf in a red costume, for example, is certified in several critical areas of toy building. But an elf in a blue uniform is an elf who has fewer skills and one who shouldn’t be around certain types of tools.
A workshop elf is one who has put in a lot of time as an elf. Most elves there have decades of experience and a new elf hardly ever gets assigned to Santa’s workshop. For most, the certifications needed for toy building takes years to accomplish.
It’s a serious thing and Elf Bernard is a serious elf. After all, Santa’s main job, that of a Gift Bringer, is very dependent upon the quality of gifts and toys that he delivers. Santa needs a serious elf like Elf Bernard as the head elf in his workshop.
And that is why the real Elf Bernard does not like the movie Elf Bernard. He’s too young and he’s not serious enough.
Elf Bernard does not like all the mail he gets from little girls. “I’m a married man,” Elf Bernard says. “My dear wife gets upset at those letters and she opens all my mail. I do not like when she gets upset.”
Elf Bernard’s day begins very early in the morning. He gets to his office by 4:00 a.m. and he spends a lot of time planning and organizing. He keeps a big white board in his office with all kinds of numbers on it. He writes it out himself and he won’t let anyone else look at it. Elf Bernard says the “big board”, as he calls it, is his “to-do list”.
By 6:00 a.m. Elf Bernard is “walking the floor” of Santa’s workshop, talking mostly to supervisors about their plans and goals for the day. Every elf knows that Elf Bernard is going to visit every department within Santa’s Workshop every morning.
Elf Bernard is a master toymaker, just like Santa. He likes to sometimes stop on his walk and help with making something. He asks lots of questions. He has to approve all the materials used in making toys and he is known for changing things in an instant.
Elf Bernard “walks the floor” until about Noon, when he stops to take a break. Mrs. Bernard usually comes and brings Elf Bernard lunch and they sit together in the lunchroom at Santa’s workshop.
Lunch is only 30 minutes. Then Mrs. Bernard leaves and Elf Bernard meets with Santa, either in person or by video, depending on where Santa is.
Then Elf Bernard takes a stroll over to the Purchasing Department, where he meets to discuss the supply of lumber, plastic, metal and hardware all used at the North Pole. I asked him why he goes there every day and Elf Bernard says that if Purchasing isn’t on their game it affects his ability to keep Santa’s workshop moving.
And nobody sits still in Santa’s workshop. Ever.
Elf Bernard says an idle elf is a lazy elf and nobody in Santa’s workshop is ever idle. It runs 24 hours a day and elves are constantly coming and going on and off shift. They work 12 hours at a time.
But not Elf Bernard. By the time 3:00 p.m. rolls around Elf Bernard is back in his office, meeting with different department head elves. Everyone knows Elf Bernard and, frankly, many of them are afraid of him.
He’s not mean. He is not even gruff. He’s just all business and he has very high standards.
He also works very hard. He stays until 6pm every day, six days a week. Elf Bernard rarely takes a vacation. It has been like this for decades.
Elf Bernard also does not like the News Department at the North Pole very much. It took me 7 months to get an appointment with him and he would only set aside about 15 minutes for me. Honestly, I think he lost interest in me after about 30 seconds.
He won’t do an interview on the radio or on any of the podcasts.
He does not like elf reporters like Trixie or even Elf Crash Murphy. Elf Bernard says they “ask too many questions”.
I tried to explain to him that is their job and that, like them, it’s my job to tell the world the truth about Santa, the North Pole and elf life through the news we produce.
Elf Bernard apologized to me and explained that what we in the News Department do is just fine.
“Some elf has to do it,” he said.
But he lacks patience for it because he does not feel Santa’s Workshop is something that should be talked about a whole lot outside of the North Pole.
In fact, I had to agree NOT to say certain things about Santa’s Workshop before Elf Bernard even allowed an appointment with me. And I got a surprise visit from North Pole Security on the morning of our scheduled interview.
But he was very generous to me, too.
Elf Bernard gave me a very personal view of Santa’s workshop. He walked me around. He told me stuff. I understand why he and North Pole Security are concerned about what we might say. I get it.
But I also know interest is very high about Santa’s workshop and about, yes, even Elf Bernard.
And Elf Bernard does not like that.
He says he is not an elf that likes to have the spotlight on him. Many elves do like that but Elf Bernard insists on saying “I’m just an elf who works for Santa”.
If Elf Bernard had his way, nobody outside of Santa would even know his name.
Well, that explains a whole lot about Elf Bernard, does it not?
He’s a serious elf. He’s a GREAT elf.
I did get a chance to talk to Santa about Elf Bernard.
Santa smiled when I told him what I had learned and what I wanted to say in this article. Santa then told me something I never expected to hear.
“I love Elf Bernard,” Santa said. “I mean, I love him like a brother. His heart is pure gold. I want to be like Bernard in every way. You make sure the world understands that Elf Bernard is my head elf in the workshop because of his heart.”
Have you ever heard Santa speak that way?
No wonder nobody here really thinks much of the Elf Bernard of the movies.
He’s much better than that.
Santa’s workshop, by the way, is doing very well. They are ahead of schedule, Elf Bernard told me.
And that’s all we need to know right now. It is good news indeed.
