Nothing to Do

Hey. Joel here. Remember me? Yeah, that guy who wrote ONE post like months ago and then disappeared?

I’m back.

Back at the North Pole. Back from life on the road with Santa. Back to a winter wonderland with nothing to do.

I have not been at the North Pole during Christmas time for many years. Well, I was a little more during the pandemic but that was because Santa was held against his will. He was grounded and so was I. Boy, that was a slow time.

Every November, right after Halloween, Santa hits the road and I go with him. He’s done it forever. He just loves visiting with the children and hearing their Christmas wishes. That’s what he does.

That’s not what I do.

I already told you all about it, so I won’t tell you my part in it all again other than to say unlike other elves at the North Pole I’m not at the North Pole when it is Christmas. Right up until Santa returns to hop in the sleigh I’m gone. Then he dumps me like yesterday’s lunch.

It’s usually just a few hours to Christmas Eve on December 23rd when I get back and other than getting a decent chug of eggnog there’s nothing for me to do when I get back.

Like everyone else – like you – I track Santa first thing when he takes off.

But, unlike you, I have no clue what’s going on. And, unlike you, I have no elf supervisor here at the North Pole to guide me.

Think about that. Every sector has an elf supervisor – and a news page – on this website. But North Pole trackers like me don’t have a sector. The North Pole is not in a sector. It’s just the North Pole.

Oh, we have Flight Command but those elves are useless to us. They are too busy telling the world when to get to bed and keeping up with that map. They don’t have time to tell trackers like me at the North Pole what they need.

And what would North Pole Flight Command need of just a regular tracker elf like me who lives at the North Pole?

So, really, once Santa drops me off I have literally nothing to do. And since that time I’ve been busy as heck doing nothing.  And that nothing continues well into the New Year.

Now, you’d think a calendar guy like me would like New Years. And I do, don’t get me wrong. It’s good to be home after traveling with Santa for two months. But it’s a new year. That means a new calendar, right? Big time for calendar elves, huh?

Actually, I detest January. January is the reason why I work in pencil.

You see, in January, everyone thinks Santa has a blank calendar. Well, he does but for whatever reason they seem to think January means they can put whatever they WANT on Santa’s calendar.

They can’t.

It doesn’t work that way.

Well, it does for Mrs. Claus. She calls me up – usually the first week of January – and she puts just two events on Santa’s calendar.

The first is their trip for Thanksgiving in October with the Canada family Mrs. Claus has. That is their tradition and they go every year. I can practically write that one in ink. I don’t, of course, cause he’s Santa. He’s definitely a guy who has to keep things written in pencil, especially on his calendar.

The second event is their anniversary.

Actually, Mrs. Claus doesn’t have to tell me it because I know it. I put it on the calendar before she ever calls. But Santa can never remember it and I put it down so I can remind him. That’s another inker, by the way. Santa does not miss his anniversary. That’s my job, you know. To remind Santa of what’s on his calendar.

Anyway, in my office – which is really just a cubicle outside of Santa’s office (how much of a desk does a calendar guy need?) – I sit at my desk during these dog days of January doing nothing. Well, I do take phone calls – which are all worthless and a waste of time, by the way.

Everyone calling is important. At least that’s what they tell me. And they want Santa’s time. They want me to put time slots down on Santa’s calendar for him to meet with them.

But it doesn’t work that way.

I tell them this. All-the-time. But they never listen, and that’s because I’m a second class elf. I’m just Joel at the Pole. I have no power over Santa’s calendar except this: I don’t put anything on it unless SANTA tells me to. (Well, after Mrs. Claus, of course).

He’s my boss.

So, when they call, I get to tell them, “when Santa tells me it goes on the calendar, it goes on the calendar”.

Until then, I wait.

I wait until Santa has time to meet with me. I don’t set an appointment with him. He calls me in.

When he calls me in he works from a billion scraps of paper. Post it notes, mostly. He scribbles down names and stuff and then expects me to put it all down on the calendar.

You have to be very specific with Santa. That’s your friendly Elf Joel tip-of-the-day. Remember this when you make a wish list or something for Santa. Be specific. Don’t tell him you want a new dolly for Christmas. Tell him you want the 2023 Molly Dolly that wets, cries and says “Mama” while closing her eyes. Otherwise who knows what you end up with.

Santa is not good at giving specifics but he’s great at remembering them.

For example, last year, around the 20th of January, he finally met with me and we went through his list of calendar events. He wanted me to put a meeting down with Elf Bernard, head of the workshop, for a specific date. He could remember the day but not the time. BUT – Santa knew exactly what he wanted to meet with him about and how long that meeting needed to be scheduled for. Good enough for me. Of course, I had to call Elf Bernard to see if he could remember the time – he did – and we got it on Santa’s calendar.

These are the down and dirty details of being Santa’s calendar guy. Exciting, eh?

That’s why these early days of January are so awesome for me.

There’s nothing to do.

Not yet.

And it’s glorious.

Happy January from the Pole.

About this Elf: Elf Joel at the Pole

Elf Joel is a 4th generation elf and grew up at the North Pole. He is a member of Santa's office staff and serves as the keeper of Santa's calendar. He travels with Santa and knows where he is at all times.