Here’s the Scoop

Hi there. Elf Ed Zachary here.

Where to begin?

A couple of weeks ago I was called into Elf Ernest’s office. Like many other elves right now I was offered a promotion.

Part of my new gig in the News Department is figuring out how to deal with this little column here on SantaTrackers.net.

This “rumors” thing was founded by Elf Trixie a couple of years ago and I know she enjoyed spreading the gossip of the North Pole here on these pages.

Actually, she cheezed off a lot of elves with this column. If I had any brains at all I’d just shut it down.

But I like cheese, too.

If elves at the North Pole turn and run the other way at my mere presence that can’t be a bad thing, right?

So, yeah. I think I’ll take this gig for myself.

But I’ve got to do it my way.

I’m a news guy. I actually went to school to be a journalist. I operate by the rules of who-what-when-where when it comes to news reporting.

Even if it is a rumor column.

So let’s get this fixed here the right way. If I print a rumor here is how I’m going to do it:

Rumor: rumors will now be identified as rumors, not fact. Like this.

I’m renaming this from North Pole Rumors to The Scoop.

And that’s because I don’t want to just dish dirt on people. I’m a hard news guy and if I’m going to talk smack I want to make sure it’s news and not only rumor.

So this column – now to be called The Scoop – will be more news than rumor.

I will still put out rumors now and then — when I hear them. But it’s not my specialty, you know what I’m saying?

I don’t want to get into the game of making stuff up. I’m not saying that was done before but what good are rumors if they don’t become news?

So what news or rumors can I impart on you right now?

Fact: Santa has still not checked in with the North Pole since leaving on walkabout.

Rumor: some are saying Santa is in Asia.

How do I know that?

Well, there’s an elf I know. I’ll call her Elf Busybody. You don’t need to know her real name.

She’s on vacation. She knows Santa. She swears she saw Santa in Taiwan at a fish market.

I kid you not.

Ok, so that’s not the world’s hottest rumor.

And it likely isn’t very reliable because I don’t think Santa would be caught dead in a fish market. Santa is a master fisherman and I know when he goes on walkabout he loves to fish nearly everywhere his travels take him.

So I don’t put a lot of stock in this rumor.

Santa’s more inclined to be seen in a sack of potatoes than at a fish market.

But I will leave you with this Scoop:

Elf Moe is soon to get a very big promotion. Mark it down. You heard it here first. It’s a fact.

About this Elf: Elf Ed Zachary

Elf Ed Zachary is Director of News at the North Pole. He oversees all North Pole news outlets - newspapers, websites, radio and television stations.

Ed Zachary has been a force in North Pole journalism for decades, having served for years as a columnist for the North Pole Gazette. He is known as the Defender of Santa Claus, taking on all doubters and scoffers of Santa and his Christmas effort.

As part of his news duties Elf Ed Zachary contributes "news about the news" at the North Pole for the Santa Tracker Herald Star.